i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
