The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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