It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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