fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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