Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
