So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
