Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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