I will die if light touches me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
