Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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