So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
