there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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