i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
