I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
