ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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