If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
