also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
