Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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