my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
