Can i not drive my cunt home
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
