dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
