Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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