So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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