I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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