Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
they call him Oral-B. enough said
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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