My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He did a backflip because drugs
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