Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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