last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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