A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize