So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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