he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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