I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
