its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
