So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
