so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
