He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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