Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
