I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
