so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
