# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
