Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
