If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
