How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
