I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
