I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
