Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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