I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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