Apparently you make a good broom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
