if i can run in heels then i can drive
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
