xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
