and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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