You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
