My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
