Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
