Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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