i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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