i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
