i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
