so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize