It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
