yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
