Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm bleeding and have questions
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
