wanna go halves on a baby?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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