It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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