This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
