i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
