I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
