So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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