I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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